January 31 - Once in a blue moon

Episode watched: Jessie's brother

Remember when the gang had senior cut day, but Zack couldn't go because he needed to be in class to graduate? I've had a steadfast moral opposition to ditching classes since high school and now that I teach high school I am even more opposed (except for my own senior ditch day of course) Because Zack had so many academic issues he wasn't able to enjoy his own cut day and lost some serious flirting time with Kelly...and more importantly Kelly bikini time. I do however enjoy the occasional day off or mental health day, but for right now there is no need to take one, why? Because tomorrow's a SNOW DAY! Well to be more exact it's really a "cold day" but nonetheless when my principal unnecessarily announced 20 minutes before the end of the day that there would be no school tomorrow, the roar of the students and the sighing of delight by the teachers could be heard throughout the hallways. I did a little jig in my office, I said a little prayer of thank you to the snow gods and I packed my bag full of papers to grade on my "day off." Needless to say that tomorrow is going to be a good day.

Lesson learned: Let the water drip and keep your cabinets open to prevent your pipes from freezing.

January 30 - Early Retirement (no thanks)

Episode watched: None

I've been thinking about retirement a lot lately, I've been think about how it's still 25 years away. I thought about when Zack and Jessie dressed up in disguise as old people and how they couldn't keep up the facade for too long. I've constantly thought to myself that it would be great to be old and not have much to do (read, paint, garden, steal things from the store and blame it on my age). The I snap back to reality and realize that that's not something I should wish for. Being young is where it's at, I like when my students think that I'm 22 or when I get carded for R-movies.  I think that this whole blog helps me remember how awesome being young is. We idolize people in their prime, when they are at their best and when we can relate to them the most. Who seriously liked Tiffani Amber Thiessen on 90210? Mark-Paul Gosselaar on NYPD Blue or Lark Voorhies in How High? (That's like the only thing she's been in since SBtB.) Thanks gang for helping me keep it real. I'm going to continue on with this young thing.

Lesson Learned: Elizabeth Berkly wasn't all that bad in Showgirls...I'm just sayin'.

January 29 - Dating

Episode watched: None

I know this girl. We go way back, almost my entire life and definitely her entire life. We have a few things in common: same high school, same parents, some shared DNA. I want to protect her identity. She called me tonight and tried to help me out with today's post, she knows I'm having some trouble some days keeping up with all this.  She tells me that she's going on a date (am I allowed to say that?), not sure if it's serious. She said it's kind of like when Kelly and Jeff went on a date. She couldn't remember if they went to the Max for their date...and if they did, that's kind of pathetic since that's where they both worked. I don't think her date was much like Kelly and Jeff's. I mean, I can't say for sure but hopefully they're not going to a local high school hang out. If they did or had plans to, I could point them the right direction (there's a 7-11 right next to my school). I hope the date went well, but I hope the end result is better than Kelly and Jeff, maybe he'll be her Zack (minus the arrogance).

Lesson learned: Protecting peoples' identity is apparently not important to me.

January 28- Get a life

Episode watched: Las Vegas Part 3

A good friend of mine was in town tonight so we grabbed a bite and got to talking about this and that. One of the things that we talked about was this blog and I told him kind of how I was doing it and the almost 0% chance that I'll actually make it to 2012, but it's worth the shot. He is totally against me being able to use the College Years and says that they don't count as part of the show. I beg to differ, but I appreciate everyone's opinion.  We talked about numerous discrepancies that are in the show; one that continually bugs me that I mentioned earlier is the transition from the Bliss era to the Bayside era. I told him that the gang used to go to JFK Junior High School somewhere in the middle of Indiana and the next season made the jump from Indiana to Bayside...it could make sense if they would not have brought their principal and three of their students, oh and if the school didn't look exactly the same. I'm still baffled and confused, there is also the chance that I am completely overanalyzing the show and need to get a life.

Lesson learned: I need to get a life.

January 27 - Exhaustion

Episode Watched: Kelly starts her job at the Max

I wish that I could hire a stand-in, a fake, an impostor to teach my classes tomorrow, just like Zack hired James on a couple occasions to fill in as his dad and even play the role or Mr. Belding. If only there was some way that I could call into my job, have someone complete my duties and there be no penalty. After working a 14 hour day today, I wish the public school system had something like this to help teachers...if only.

Lesson learned: Posts will suck terribly when working from 6am-9pm.

January 26 - O Romeo, O Romeo

Episode watched  - The Glee Club

I was a substitute teacher once, probably the second worst job I had next to folding clothes at the Gap for 3 weeks in high school (it was because a cute girl from school worked there; I realized then and I realize now that I had absolutely no shot). When the gang had a substitute teacher in English they read Romeo and Juliet; we just began reading the play today in class. I couldn't help bring up the fact that they "read" it on show and how I would absolutely never make a substitute be responsible for teaching the play to freshmen. Don't get me wrong, I love the play, I've read it now 20+ times but trying to get 14-15 year olds to love it is a whole other beast.

Lesson learned: Save sub days for early retirement.

January 25 - Slight of hand

Episode watched: Kelly goes to Paris

I told one of my students that he reminded me of Max. He didn't know who Max was. You don't know who Max was? He was the lovable owner of The Max...real creative name guy.  My student asked me if I knew a good way to get a date with a girl...now I didn't know if he wanted advice or if he was giving advice but either way I was intrigued. What kind of insight could a 17 have? And then he did it...he pulled out a deck of cards. He proceeded to show me and a group students a set of wonderful card tricks, we were thoroughly satisfied, entertained and will never get those 10 minutes of our life back. As he strutted confidently around the room shuffling and re-shuffling his deck, I couldn't help but wonder: how can a guy with a deck of cards NOT get a date?

Lesson learned: Not so much a new lesson learned, but more of a lesson I was reminded of all these years after attending to the Challenge School: a guy with a deck of cards (Playing or Magic the Gathering) almost NEVER gets the girl.

January 24 - Already resorting to seconds

Episode watched: Zack wants to go on the school ski trip

You may think it's settling, or maybe you think I've run out of steam, but to me it's just reliving and referencing seriously one of the best episodes of TV ever. I don't capitalize TV simply because I have to, but rather the emphasis on how integral this episode was to all of television. Jessie + caffeine pills seriously captured the hearts of the nation, tugged at the emotions that we wear on our sleeves and brought tears to the eyes of grown men (sans me). This morning I sure as hell could have used Jessie's little pill stash, I had a case of the Mondays. A serious, non-alcoholic hangover...maybe it's the organic, antibiotic free chicken I'm now eating, maybe I've got a case of the Jay Cutler's, but wow could I have used 200mg of caffeine.

Lesson learned: I won't do caffeine...not even once (thank you anti-meth campaign for allowing me to borrow the rights to your ever-so-catchy and incredibly disturbing commercials. I now take baths because of those commercials.)

January 23 - Playoffs! We're talking 'bout playoffs!

Episode watched: none

With a wonderful day full of conference championship football, one can't help think of the greatest victory in Bayside football history. The big game against Valley, red faces intact, Bayside overpowers Valley. Although it's rather unrelated, Jay Cutler's pouting is starting to get old.  How about that bloody elbow huh? Could the announcers have fixated on it any more? What a pansy.  If the Bears had to go any deeper at quarterback, they might have had to call Mario Lopez and see if he could still throw the old rock around.

Lesson learned: It's not about if you win or lose, but if you can hurt (emotionally or physically) the opponent...of course not seriously or unethically.

January 22 - Ehh....

Episode Watched: None

Coaching lacrosse right now is like Screech trying to get Lisa....

Lesson learned: Got a long, long way to go.

January 21 - Getting over the hump

Episode watched - Kelly wants to go on "Semester at the Sea"

A coworker's boyfriend bet that I would only last 3 weeks, at first I scoffed at such an asinine statement, but I must say that today was the most difficult of all days. I almost gave in, I almost tapped out, I almost shut down the blog and pulled my best J.D. Salinger and went into hiding. Then as my entire planning period was occupied by office guests whom I was easily able to zone out, I remembered something I saw during an episode of the Ms. Bliss era. The students were in middle school at John F. Kennedy Junior High and this week we (Google included) celebrated the 50th anniversary of his inauguration. I was thankful, I did a little jig, I finally answered the rhetorical "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what can you do for your country." Well Mr. President, you just gave me new life, a fresh perspective, and an idealistic attitude.

Lesson Learned: The gang went from JFK Junior High in Indiana to Bayside in California, this will be addressed later on.

January 20 - The Cooking Team

Episode watched: Zack falls for the school nurse (How the hell could Zack think she was better looking than Kelly?)

I quit the wrestling team and joined a cooking...no, no I didn't really but Slater did when he felt insecure about his wrestling. I hope he learned lots while in that cooking class, maybe how to bake a cake or a souffle. Right now in the middle of having to fend for myself for a month in terms of meals, I have turned to my prehistoric wrestling days and have forgotten how to cook anything good. My motto is "when in doubt, use Frank's wing sauce." I think I'm going to need to join Slater in that cooking class and figure out what to make over these next weeks.


Lesson learned: Frank's seriously goes with EVERYTHING.

January 19 - Rod vs. Rich?

Episode watched: I honest to goodness can't remember, I know I watched one but have no memory of which one it was. This is not good.

As the new semester began I sent an email describing how I think that I have taken the Rod Belding approach to teaching this summer. I have not intentions of planning a rafting trip with my students and then bailing on them the night before, but rather sitting back and enjoying it a little bit more. Maybe I should grow my hair out like Rod (flowing golden locks), have my students call me by my first name, and undermine the principal*. Teaching and education are all about the experience for kids and gaining both the classroom knowledge and the larger life skills that accompany it. If the teacher exudes a feeling of stress and of being overwhelmed then that will transfer to the kids. Gotta hide the burdens and pains of the job and ultimately hope that everyone enjoys the experience.

*Disclaimer: To any administrators, district people, others who have concern, I have zero intent on undermining the principal. I was joking, kidding, playin', making a comparison, I love my job, please don't tell on me...IT'S A JOKE!

Lesson of the day: Never, ever joke about insubordination...even when tenured.

January 18 - Wake Up San Francisco

Episode Watched: Buddy Bands and Friendship Bracelets

A couple of my students went to San Francisco this weekend with the Speech team? Debate team? Sorry coaches I can't remember which one it is, but regardless they went out to argue with other students...so I guess it's probably debate.  Anyway, while out there one of the young ladies was time warped to the golden ages of Uncle Jesse, Ranger Joe and Donna Jo Tanner; she couldn't help herself from bringing up various Full House episodes and relating life to a good Danny Tanner lesson.  Her coaches told her about my endeavor and she resolved that she would do her best to bring up Full House on a daily basis or however much she could. Her coach also told me that she would help me out in class by bringing up some SBTB stuff or asking me if I had done my job for the day.  I'm going to need as much help as possible.

Lesson of the day: If we all just do our part, we too can shape the minds of our youth. What's next? 90210? Boy Meets World? Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Step By Step?

January 17 - Birthday Party

Episode watched: none

I was talking to a good friend of my today, wishing her a happy birthday, throughout the conversation I was thinking about birthday related episodes and how to bring it up. Finally we started talking about SBTB and birthday's, I personally recall a party, whether it was a birthday party or not, that Zack didn't want to attend because Kelly would be there with creeper Jeff. I think it was Lisa's birthday. I can't be sure, I'm hoping I stumble upon this episode sometime soon so I clear myself of any misguided knowledge.  Once we got off the phone I realized that there was an entire episode about the gang forgetting Screech's birthday. How could I not remember? I've got some serious studying to do.

Lesson of the day: Know your shit.

January 16 - To Catch a Predator

Episode watched: none

We got sucked into watching one of television's classic shows, Dateline's "To Catch a Predator"...one of the most addicting shows in the world. It introduces America to some of the sleaziest, slimiest, dumbest and most pathetic criminals and one of America's most witty and cool-headed hosts, Chris Hansen.  My favorite are the creeps who just say that they came over to make a friend, or the alcohol and drugs weren't actually anything. The highlight of the night's episode was when one of the guys got tasered. Always funny. I brought up how Jeff was kind of a creep when he started dating Kelly when he was in college and she was in high school. Not that this an uncommon this today, but the guys was a manager of The Max and he dated one of his waitresses, conflict of interests, no?

Lesson Learned: Don't crap where you eat? Don't eat where you crap? It's one of those.

Episode - mmmhmm

Episode watched: none

It makes me happy when people bring up SBTB and how they have mentioned it during their day. This makes me happy for two reasons: 1. The disease is spreading. 2. I don't have to do too much thinking.  My brother is in town and told me that in a phone conversation with a phone they couldn't quite say what they wanted to say because of certain social situations so they just made the high-pitched "mmmhmmm" sound that Zack makes when he's dressed as a girl.  My big brother is growing up...how cute. 

Lesson learned: Zack Morris was a pretty ugly girl. 

January 14 - Stop that girl

Episode watched - Kelly falls for Prof. Lasky

Zack tried to stop Kelly from going abroad twice, once on her way to Paris for a summer of modeling in high school and a second time before she went on Semester at Sea while in college. Annie leaves for the Middle East tomorrow for a month, I think that if I write anything on here about trying to stop her plane the FBI and TSA would be all over me (do they do in home pat-downs?). So in our conversation I compared her leaving to that of Kelly and Zack, the only difference is I'm not going to sabotage a modeling career, nor propose on a boat to try to make her stay (sorry to disappoint).

Lesson learned: When things are out of your control, just hope for a good gift when they return :)

January 13 - It's like a disease

Episode watched: Slater heads to Hawaii

The purpose of this entire project is not just to see how much Saved By the Bell appears in my life, but also to spread the love of the show and help people remember how classic each episode and cliche scenario was.  Today a student had a dilemma, the normal type of dilemma that students have: How can I fit all of this different drinks in a tiny office fridge? When the student couldn't quite figure out the Tetris trap that he encountered he told a colleague of mine and her response was "In situations like these, just think to yourself, 'What would Kelly Kapowski do?"' I feel like a proud parent when their child scores a goal, like an honored lamaze teacher whose client breathed correctly or even a teacher whose student finally started putting their name on their papers. This is going to spread like H1N1...too soon?

Lesson learned: I still have 351 days left of this...shit!

January 12 - Group Projects

Episode watched: none

Group projects --- they can be the best part of school or they can be the worst. Now, I'm not doing a group project with any of my classes and often dread trying to make kids work together on any sort of large collaborative assignment. It generally turns into a mass flirt, throwing of blunt objects or sometimes the absurd short story about an overweight, one-legged band nerd named Lars who goes out for the football team.  Luckily the educational system forces/allows/coerces/rewards teachers with working collaboratively, once again, for better or for worse. As I sat in a teacher group meeting today I couldn't help think of Zack marketing and selling Buddy Bands with his group and how he failed them...of course until the Full House moment in the end when he swoops in with a good idea and saves face.

Lesson Learned: Every group has that douche bag...is it you?

January 11 - Plumber's Butt

Episode Watched: Zack joins the Rigmas

Every homeowner's worst fear during the winter is that their pipes burst...luckily that didn't happen to us, but water, leaking anywhere is as scary as a prostate exam (I fear the day). I got the call this morning that there was water in the basement, long story short, nothing serious but water was present.  I couldn't help think of Mr. Testaverde's test and the gang's attempt at passing. Zack and Screech call him and tell him that there's been a flood at the school. Little did they know that Mr. Testaverde was a long lost relative of Mario and Luigi (they're plumbers in case you just played the video game and didn't get to watch the television show; Netflix it if you haven't) and he shows up with wrench in hand.

Lesson learned: Never cry over spilled...water?

January 10 - Save the fruit flies

Episode watched: Ms. Bliss tries to save the 8th grade dance

There have been a rash of fruit flies hanging out in my office and classroom as of late. During lunch I had three girls sitting in my office watching me try to swat fruit flies.  They wanted to know why there were so many and it's because I luckily office next to the Genetics class that breeds fruit flies. One of them guessed that the "hippie" students must have let there's go in a peace protest. I told them about when Nikki refused to dissect frogs while in science class because of her overwhelming sense of morality.  One of my students said "Can you just internalize these thoughts and pretend like you said them?" And the answer young lady is "No, no I will not."

Lesson learned: Hippies are people too.

January 9 - The Weather Channel

Episode watched: none

California sure seemed like a nice place to live, it was always warm, the gang went to the beach and surfed and they even went on a white water rafting trip...now Colorado, it's snowing and it's been snowing all day. I think I'm the only teacher not praying for a snow day (call me crazy).  We were talking about weather in episodes and the biggest "weather" event that happened was the earthquake. Remember the earthquake? Zack gets stuck in the elevator with Mrs. Belding and Tori, pulls his best Doogie Howser and delivers the baby...thus Zack Belding was born.

Lesson learned: Never ride an elevator when you're fully dilated. 

January 8 - Jim Harbaugh

Episode watched: none

With Jim Harbaugh in sports news so much recently, I made a reference last night that I remembered Jim Harbaugh in an episode or referenced in an episode as Screech's cousin. I did as much research within my brain and on the internet as possible and today was only able to find that Harbaugh appeared in an episode of The New Class. I feel stupid, ignorant and have a general dislike of myself for such an embarrassing error.  I do still believe that sometime, somewhere he was brought up in another episode, but for now I'll swallow my pride and apologize to all whom I may have offended.

I know, I'm sorry coach!

Lesson of the day: I need to study more, I am nowhere near ready for Jeopardy.

January 7 - Mr. Belding is a perv

Episode watched: The College Years when Kelly wants to quit working at the health center

Once again, it absolutely does not matter how SBtB is brought as long as it is in some way mentioned for an entire year. Today, a friend of mine who is preparing to become a teacher, observed my class for some of her observation hours. At the end we were talking about the this and that and the blog. She told me a wonderful story about some of her friends who, while in school at DU, went to one of the numerous shady bars around campus and none other than Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding) was at the bar! What the hell was he doing at a sleazy underage bar in Denver? (That's rhetorical, I know exactly what he was doing.) One thing led to another and one of the young ladies ended up getting her chest signed by the old man. Can you put that on eBay?

Lesson learned: I think Mr. Belding said it best, "Hey! Hey! Hey! What is going on here?"

January 6 - The Spring Musical

Episode Watched - Zack gambles Ms. Bliss's money on the stock market

Spring musical auditions are going on today and I have a bunch of students auditioning. I told them about the Snow White and Seven Dorks musical performance that they turned into some terrible attempt at a modern hip-hop performance.  The dorks were named: Dweeby, Nerdy, Geeky, Slimey, Shlumpy, Dumpy, and Norman (really? Norman? Come on). My hope is that my school and really any school doesn't try to over modernize anything. It also makes me think about how awkward it must be to have to kiss in high school performances, look what happened to Zack and Jessie. No bueno.

Lesson of the day: If it's classic, keep it classic. Huck Finn anyone?

January 5 - 423 for life

Episode Watched - Funny enough, the Hawaii episode I referenced yesterday.

So I had pretty much the best freshman year roommate at 'SC ever, maybe because he wore a do-rag and a cowboy hat at the same time or because the posters he put up were Snoop Dog and Britney Spears, whatever the reason, he's awesome.  So he emailed me today "wait wait wait. . . is this YOUR actual blog?" and thus began an email conversation about our freshman year and AC, Zack and Screech rooming together. I compared him to Screech, which probably deserves a swift kick to the groin, because if anyone was/is Screech it's me.  Yes, we had bunk beds just like Zack and Slater and yes I made my 6'2" roommate sleep on the top bunk all year...probably deserves another kick in the groin. Unfortunately we didn't have any attractive suitemates or an awesome RA, just a floor of drunks, recluses, musicians and a kid nicknamed Golden Girls.

He's the tall one.

Lesson of the Day: 423 for life.

January 4 - Transportation Nightmares

Episode Watched: The Summer of My Life

I got a phone call after my first class discussing the traffic situation from my house during rush hour.  I was quickly informed that the highway was backed up for miles and it took 3 times as long to arrive at the destination. Now, before I was yelled at, criticized and my life threatened for a situation in which I had absolutely no control, I reminded the caller of one of Jessie and Slater's classiest "traffic" fights.  During their Hawaiian experience they decide to take the Principals on a tour, after a possible shortcut, they end up getting the bus/van stuck in the mud.  Jessie and Slater stage a classy lover's quarrel, but ultimately make-up. I still don't understand how they never ended up together...is it because Jessie became a Las Vegas showgirl? Or is it because A.C. became an underrated talk show host? I mean, with a chest like that, who wouldn't want...

* I told my students about the resolution today...definitely sealed up the "crazy teacher" label.

Lesson learned: I like Jessie, not Slater. Don't let my above attempt at being witty confuse you. (Although Slater's pecs are enviable)

January 3 - Is that a fat joke?

Episode watched: Battle of the Sexes 

During lunch one of my students gave me a coupon for Weight Watchers, I lectured her about self-esteem and being critical of someone's body weight referencing the Date Auction when Wendy Parks outbid all of the good looking girls for a date with Zack. We talked about the fact that there is more important things than the way someone looks, that Zack ultimately learned that Wendy had a lot to offer as a person.

Lesson Learned: If you eat lunch in your teacher's office, expect some ridiculous conversations. 

January 2 - Caffeine Addiction

Episode watched: none

Caffeine addiction is not a joking matter...unless it's in reference to one of the most memorable of all episodes: Jessie's pill addition. While enjoying a Sunday brunch my grandmother offered my sister a cup of coffee, as a good older brother I am trying to ensure that my sister does not fall victim to caffeine addiction at a young age.  We discussed the seriousness of the issue and discussed how "unfunny" Jessie's addiction to caffeine pills was while trying to balance school and her new found musical talent...there's nothing more classic than Jessie falling into Zack's arms singing "I'm so excited! I'm so excited...I'm so scared."

Lesson learned: Sitcom writers often use caffeine pill addiction to scare teens...remember Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

January 1 - The Movies

This blog has nothing to do with me; I'm not going to evaluate my life, analyze my future or talk about my feelings. I simply want to see how much "Saved By the Bell" plays a part in the life of a child of the 90's. Is it possible to bring up Zack, Lisa, Mr. Tuttle, Mr. Belding, Leon Carosi and other characters in the course of any given day?

Don't judge me. 

Episode watched: none

While driving past the movie theater today we were talking about what movies to see and just the overall movie going experience, in the course of the conversation I made reference to how bad Zack must have felt when Screech and Slater brought him to the movie theaters to escape Jeff and Kelly's relationship and ultimately they end up at the same theater on a date.

Lesson learned: Sit in the back corner of the theater to go undetected.