February 26 - Customer Service

Episode watched: None

I think for any store, customer service and support are the key to getting and keeping customers.  The nerds couldn't run the school store anymore at Bayside because, as I would assume, they were nerds and couldn't pull in any customer base.  So Belding let Zack take it over and we all know (or maybe just some of us) that he got his business by making a calendar of the swim team + Mr. Belding. Not that I think this is okay, but he wanted to get customers. I recently found a new store in the area that is a lacrosse equipment dealer. Now, for anyone that knows the lacrosse world, most lacrosse players are arrogant and what we call "Lax Bros." That's pretty much what I get when I deal with a lot of equipment vendors...until now. This new store does all the right things, has pulled me in as a customer and has me telling other people...and they didn't need to entice me with an issue of SI's swimsuit edition.

Lesson learned: Not all people are sold on bikini's and skin...well, not always.

February 25 - A Little Peppy

Episode watched: Kelly kisses Professor Lasky

It was spirit week at school...rah, rah! We had shortened classes and a big pep assembly at The Max...wait, no sorry, I wished it was at The Max but I don't think our student body could fit in there. It was amazing that we have a student body of approximately 2200 students and maybe, if I had to guess, 1300 show up at the assembly. Where are the other 900?

Now the real question is how big was Bayside and why were there only like 30 people at their pep assemblies? Did they have a truancy issue?

Lesson learned: The producers and cameramen should have done a better job making me think that Bayside was a real high school.

February 24 - Getting off track

Episode watched: Zack and the pop star

Today was a little bit tougher, I had to really stretch my creativity and thinking for this one. Granted, dozens of my others are large stretches as well, but who really cares? As we're about to start the lacrosse team we've all of a sudden had a flood of wrestlers come out to practice. This is a very good thing, as they have discipline, work ethic and they're strong.  It made me wonder if Bayside would have had a lacrosse team, would Slater have tried out? I know he played football and ran track, but I'm thinking he would have appreciated the lacrosse field rather than just turning left during track practice. (Get it? Track runners always run counter-clockwise, why don't they ever change directions?)

Lesson learned: If track runners switched directions occasionally, they wouldn't have to buy new shoes as often...confused? Think getting your tires rotated.

February 23 - I'm Hurt

Episode watched: Zack and Nikki's project

There's the episode when Zack hurts his knee during basketball because of some freak accident in the locker room with Mr. Belding. If you watch the episode Zack pretty much crumbles like cotton candy under anything. He barely touches Mr. Belding and all of a sudden he's got a major knee injury that results in surgery. They didn't even attempt to make it look real, painful or scary, yet the next thing we know he's in a knee brace waiting to be cut open.  I had one of those moments during practice today. I've been coaching lacrosse for 6 years now and somehow haven't gotten injured during a practice or playing with the team...until today. In a non-contact drill where I was literally standing as a decoy I knocked knees with a kid and crumbled to the ground like Zack. He somehow found the perfect spot on my knee to force me to put zero pressure when I walked and hobble around like an old man...I think I can now empathize with Zack's cotton candy insides. 

Lesson learned: Lacrosse sticks can double as a walking cane...awesome. 

February 22 - Those Teachers

Episode watched: Ms. Bliss's Money

There are those teacher (Ms. Bliss, Mr. Belding) that students connect with while they're in school and far beyond school as well. I always think of those two television teacher and Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World of the teachers who have been able to relate to their students in a unique and wonderful way. One of the main reasons for teaching for me was those same kind of teachers I encountered and connected with. There were very few, but luckily I still see or talk to them today.  We had a nice surprise during our in-service today that one of those teachers came and led our professional develop. It was great, as usual, to see her and catch up and remember why parts of high school were good and why I wanted to teach.  Hopefully everyone has a Bliss, Belding or Fenny.

Lesson learned: Some cliche saying about people affecting our lives and leaving an impression. Just type in inspirational quotes + teachers in google.

February 21 - Resolution #2

Episode watched: None - thank you presidents of the USA

I hereby resolve, until the month of April, to not use Jessie on caffeine pills as one of my references. As of tonight I did it for the third time this year when we were out to dinner with a friend and he mentioned his girlfriend going to bed later and later. Of course my mind went immediately to the caffeine pills. But as of now, this moment in time I promise to not use this episode as a crutch for at least the next 5 weeks.  I'm sorry that's the single greatest moment of any SBtB episode. I'm sorry it applies to life in so many ways. I sorry to my millions and millions (okay like 10-12) of readers for the repetition and possible laziness. But you better sure as hell expect a reference the first week of April, I can only give up my addiction for so long.

Lesson learned: Repeating the same thing over and over loses your audience...maybe that's why I hate the morning news when I see the weather 3 times throughout a 20 minute block.

February 20 - Dress Like a King

Episode watched: None

We were at King Sooper's doing a bit of grocery shopping today and out of the corner of my eye I caught somebody dressed a bit strange. I wouldn't have thought much of it if we were in Aurora, Commerce City or any Denver grocery store, but we were in the ever-so judgmental Greenwood Village. And this guy was dressed in all white with sequins and yes, and Elvis wig. At first I thought maybe he was on his way home from a Bachelorette party gig, but realized that it was Sunday afternoon.  Not only was he comfortably walking around the store, but he worked there too! I'm not the biggest Elvis fan, but I remembered that Screech's parents were and even left him alone at the house while they went and paid homage at Graceland. I'm very impressed with this young kid for wearing this work, I'm wondering if he lost a bet or if it was dress up day in suburbia.

Lesson learned: Don't wear white after Labor Dar...especially with sequins. 

February 19 - A Brand New Car

Episode watched: None

My sister comes up in this blog quite a bit, I think it's because she's one of the people that are constantly trying to feed me material for my resolution to help me actually make it through this year.  She's in the process of purchasing/searching for the ideal car right now.  As she does this I cannot help but think of the multiple "car incidents" in SBtB, either when the gang goes drunk driving or when Lisa crashes Mr. Belding's new car.  With the case of Mr. Belding's new car being crashed, I'm hoping that when my sister does finally decide on a new car that she A.) Doesn't use it to go on dates B.) Finds a good mechanic so when it does break, it can be as easily fixed as when Jessie's step-brother fixes it.

Lesson learned: Find a good mechanic and stick with them.

February 18 - Yearbook Deadlines

Episode watched: Kelly works at Skeeters

SBtB sure makes working on the school yearbook look like an incredibly easy thing. I mean, granted they were only working on a video yearbook and it wasn't exactly the best thing in the world, but somehow Zack screws the whole thing up by making it into a dating video and then fixes the whole thing in one night.  I've been advising the yearbook now for 5 years and there is absolutely nothing easy about, especially when something gets screwed up big time.  But I felt like Zack today coming in just under the gun with our final deadline. We worked until literally the absolute last minute before we had to send it all in and when it was said and done we finished. We've been working on the book since July and now, in the middle of February, it's done and turned in and now we can sit back and enjoy a week of movies and laziness.

Lesson learned: Putting together a 300 page book can't be done in a day...it takes two.

February 17 - Class Pets

Episode watched:

We were doing an incredibly excited comma exercise in class today when one of the sentences mentioned a pet fish and not cleaning the fish tank. One of my kids told us about how Beta fish just won't die, even when you don't clean their tanks. She continued on to tell us that she was sad when her pet fish died, I said to the class "Yeah it's sad when a pet dies, like when Slater's pet lizard Artie died and he was torn apart." I pretty much got blank stares and then the class continued on like their teacher was a little bit senile. 

Lesson learned: No matter how much you don't feed your Beta fish, they won't die.

February 16 - "It kind of looks like a girl"

Episode watched: Class rings and Battle of the Sexes

I think this blog may officially be coming to an end and it has nothing to do with my laziness or apathy, it's because of Justin Bieber, that effin Justin Bieber. Not to name any names, but my sister called me tonight and told me that she wasted (my words, not hers) $8 on that craptastic Justin Bieber movie and during it she said that one of his managers or crew members was wearing a Bayside Tigers sweatshirt. This floored me, mostly because I would like to distance myself as far away from that no-talent turd.  I'm torn in this post, because I'm not sure if I'm more embarrassed that I have six-degrees of separation from Bieber or if it's because my sister paid money and spent time watching a movie about a 15-year olds "journey" through his musical career...nice high voice, ask Hanson how that worked out in the long run.

Lesson learned: Never say never, unless it's to Bieber fever.

February 15 - Dead wrong

Episode watched: None

For the first time in a long time I was wrong about something regarding Saved By the Bell, luckily I am man-enough to admit when I'm wrong and confess on a public forum. I don't recall exactly how the topic came up in conversation tonight, but as we were watching TV there was a mention about how someone disappeared from a show and then surprised people on an episode soon thereafter. Annie said that it was the same as with Kelly in the College Years when she was gone from the first episode and then the next episode she was enrolled at Cal U. I didn't believe her, I said she was dead wrong and was definitely in the first episode...a couple minutes later (thank you world wide web) there was a note, that in fact, Kelly was not in the first episode and later became a suite mate. I hate being wrong, it feels all...not good inside. I feel like Ken Jennings on Jeopardy right now, a computer holds all the answers (and my girlfriend).

Lesson learned: Jeopardy would be no fun if IBM always had a computer as one of the contestants...unless it was Short Circuit. 

February 14- That Lovin' Feeling

Episode watched: Valentine's Day rewind

Today was one of the only times that the morning episode I watched actually kind of matched up with my day.  The episode is when the gang sits around the Max and reminisces about all the good times that they have dealing with love and relationships and how Valentine's Day sometimes brings out the best in people. Every year in my Yearbook class we have a classic Valentine's Day party where kids make cards for each of their classmates and kids also have the option of being creative and making a box, bag or some other very creative thing to hold their Valentines. It's a throwback to the good ol' days of elementary school when you'd make a brown bag tacky glued with foam hearts and your name and then nervously walked around the room and made sure that the cards you were giving to girls didn't say anything too lovey-dovey...maybe that was just me. Whatever the case, it's always fun to think about the old days when things we easy, fun and carefree.

Lesson learned: Saved By the Bell reminds me of the easy, fun and carefree times in life. 

February 13 - This ain't no candy-striping!

Episode watched: None

In my life I have two people close to me who work in the medical field, my brother being a doctor and my good friend a PA. My PA friend gave me a call today to catch up on life; he told me about all the ridiculous things he has done at work lately, the crazy hours and the less than normal patients. Between his and my brother's stories, I now understand for many reasons why I never got into the medical field. I'm guess that when Lisa was a candy-striper and working for her mom at the hospital that she never saw half the stuff either of these two people saw. Zack's broken leg? That's a cakewalk compared to the burn unit or the maternity ward.

Lesson learned: Worst time to work at a University-based hospital? August = drunk freshmen.

February 12 - I Got My T-shirt

Episode Watched: None

As you may have guessed based on the name of this post, I opened up my mailbox today and sitting in there, in all of it's glory, was my "Bayside Tigers" t-shirt. It's amazing, it has simply made my day and I can't wait to wear it. I don't need a comparison, a connection, a quote or anything special...do you know why? Because I got my T-shirt!

Lesson learned: Classic is cool.

February 11- Something Like Love

Episode watched: College Poker Game

Today's conversation:
Student 1 walks into class carrying large Valentine's bag with gift in it.
Me: "Uh-oh who's that from?"
Student 1: "Just some guy."
Me: "Some guy? Boyfriend?"
Student 1: "No just a boy in my gym class."
Me: "Well what is it? It looks like a blanket and some other stuff."
Student 1: " I don't know, I'll look...a blanket, a heart pillow, and a ring pop."
Me: "And this guy is not your boyfriend?"
Student 1: "No, he's a some random guy I just met in my gym class."
Me: "But he got you a present? With hearts? And a ring pop?"
Student 2: "This is like something Screech would do for Lisa."

Lesson learned: Fastest way to a girl's heart? A ring pop.

February 10 - Jucieheads and Gorillas

Episode Watched: The Senior Prom

Jessie and Slater started it all. They started the trend of fighting with your significant other on television and making it a spectacle that people couldn't help but watch. Slater was a macho pig with minimal intellectual capacity, while Jessie was a pretentious princess who had issues with her personal image. We've seen countless television couples over the years take on these roles with very little thanks to Slater and Jessie. As I sat and watched the Jersey Shore tonight, I couldn't help but think of where it all began and I'm sure somewhere out in the reality television garbage can, couples like Spencer and Heidi and Ronnie and Sammi are thanking the original dysfunctional couple for getting the plane off the ground and making verbal abuse worth millions.

Lesson learned: If you constantly fight with your significant other you will end up one of two ways: in porn or plastic surgery.

February 9 - The Zoo

Episode watched: Lisa's fashion show

Alright, so follow my train of thought in my poorly constructed metaphor. At the zoo there are animals who they have that 20' foot ravine separating them from the onlookers; there are the animals who sleep all day and no matter how many gummy bears you throw at them they don't move and there are the animals that swing from limb to limb and wreak havoc all over their living quarters. Well, my 4th hour class is the zoo. Today I got a new sleeper. She looked like "Zack" when they dressed up the skeleton in detention so he could make it to the Max.  Let me set the scene for you: today is her first day in class, she walks in, doesn't introduce herself, sits down and for the remainder of the period puts her head on the desk and sleeps. As I now recognize the top of many of my "sleepers" heads, I gently poked the shoulder and asked her who in the world she was. I got a half-assed name, no eye-contact and a "I'm tired, I'm just going to sleep." As I was about to give up on the educational system, I took a step back, dug into my sno-cone and watched the ritual head-butting.

Lesson learned: Don't feed the animals.
*Disclaimer: this is simply metaphorical and not meant to insult. 

February 8 - This will make you tear up a bit

Episode watched: Jessie's Dad's wedding

Not only do I love watching Bizarre Foods, but I certainly enjoy having a go at various odd eats. I'm definitely going to have to learn to stomach some weirdness while in Cambodia later this year.
Somehow Screech gets a hold of some chocolate covered grasshoppers imported from Afghanistan, he offers them to Lisa and ultimately Zack gets a hold of them and gives them to Mr. Belding. The reason I bring up the chocolately goodness of the these creepy crawlers is because while watching Bizarre Foods tonight, Andrew Zimmern took a stab at trying one of the more odd foods I've ever heard of covered in chocolate...a raw onion. And it's not like he was in Afghanistan, Armenia or Australia,  he was in Pennsylvania.  He sank his teeth in and warned all that it's a treat that should not be enjoyed by anyone. I think I'd tend to agree, when Andrew Zimmern warns you about a food, it's a good idea to keep your distance. The only time it's appropriate to eat raw onions is in the book Holes when you're nearly starving to death.

In case you're interested in the onion yourself: http://www.chocolatebymueller.com/about-chocolates-mueller.htm

Lesson learned: Not all things covered in chocolate taste good, even if you're menstruating.

February 7 - It's T-shirt Time!

Episode watched: Malibu party time

I feel naked...no, no, no not in that "I'm not wearing anything while watching The Bachelor" kind of way, but in more of the metaphorical way. (Students read this) During my normal lunch bunch time every other day one of my kiddos told me that she had a SBtB shirt, I didn't believe her. She told me it had all of the couples matched up, I'm not going to believe it until I see it and I'm kind of a bit jealous if it's the truth, but either way it got me thinking about this metaphorical nakedness. I say I'm a fan of the show, I talk a big game but realized that amid ALL 35+ of my college t-shirts and my collection of thrift store shirts I don't have a single SBtB shirt. How can I rep. this process if I'm not repping the Tiger? So I'm on the prowl (yep, pun intended) and I am spending the evening ordering the ideal SBtB shirt. Ah yeah, t-shirt time, yeah!

Lesson learned: You can buy a Screech-style wig for a mere $12 or you can just be Jewish and let your hair grow out. Toss up.

February 6 - Disgruntled Fan

Episode watched: None

Listen, America, I'm not going to continue on with this blog if we don't start to give Saved By the Bell the attention and respect that it deserves. How is it that Full House and Family Matters get shout outs during a Super Bowl commercial, but the NFL can't take the time to throw a Raiders shirt on Slater or a Rams jersey on Kelly? Why I am even committing myself to this resolution if the show isn't given its deserved praise?

They had that commercial about the original of certain items, like the record player and such. People were walking around the street with Zack Morris cell phones. There's a reason they're called Zack Morris phone...the impact is huge. Give these kids some freaking thanks. Zack Morris = Steve Erkel = The Fonz.

Lesson Learned: These aren't Happy Days because obviously Family doesn't Matter when you've got a Full House and don't include Saved By the Bell.

February 5 - Beat the Tigers

Episode watched: None

There's nothing like a good old fashioned rivalry. I spent the evening watching one heck of a DU vs. CC hockey game and of course the good guys won.  Although DU came up lame Friday night, they stuck it to the Tigers and beat them 5-3. As a sports fan I really don't think that there's anything better than a long-standing hatred for your bitterest rival. Too bad these days rivalries are all talk and very little action during the game. Bayside vs. Valley attempted to bring that idea to the television screen and at times came through with a great show, while other times really limped around like a lame dog. If I had to choose the best Bayside/Valley rivalry episode I think it would be the cheerleading competition. The one where they "kidnap" Screech and the Valley kid dresses as the tiger.

Lesson learned: The Bayside gym had the capacity of maybe 50 people. Were they division 1A?

February 4 - I, Robot

Episode watched: 1st week of college

We have a Robotics team at school, which I think is totally awesome and it's helping kids get introduced to a field early so they will be more successful. Two of my freshmen were talking about the club, one was trying to convince the other to join the club. He was trying to explain what their robots do, yada yada yada. I kept hoping that he would tell his friend that their club was building a human-like robot that could perform daily tasks, just like Kevin, Screech's robot friend. But to no avail, he explained that their robot had to move things from place to place and did not resemble a human in any way. To be honest, I was bummed. When are we going to start to prepare students for the real future, when we all have robot servants and robot friends?

Lesson learned: I should invest in one of those iRobot Roomba vacuums to prepare.

February 3 - Radio Top 40

Episode watched: The gang finds money at the mall

Sometime at the beginning of my first class today the line "one is the loneliest number" came up in passing and one of my students and I continued on to sing Three Dog Night's "One is the Loneliest Number." The awesome part about this was that the song was performed in 1969, which is well beyond my years, but even further beyond hers.  I didn't know that high school students appreciated oldies; but is there anything better in music than a golden oldie? I used to wake up every morning to KOOL105;   I told her that our singing reminded me of when Casey Kasem was one the show hosting a radio segment. The real great thing is that song was on the Billboard Top 40 at some point, which means that Kasem himself would have introduced and commented on that song.  Kasem's voice and impact on radio is timeless and I can still remember his voice filling the movie theaters before previews came on introducing the next hit on the list. I thought he was just some local radio guy.

Lesson learned: People with "Golden" radio voices must be a hit in rehab. (i.e. Ted Williams) No pun intended on the word "hit".

*That's three radio references in a row.

February 2 - Radio reference #2

Episode watched: none

Whoever came up with the idea of a radio show hosted by one, single human being without any counterpart deserves to be Brett Favred, you can determine what is meant by that on your own. Slater had the unfortunate task of being the sports guy on Bayside KKTY radio and boy was he miserable and I don't blame the guy. How can any good sports radio personality be witty, controversial, or entertaining when they're just talking to themselves? Mike has Mike, D-Mac has Big Al and Jim Rome has...his ego, but here in Denver after 7pm Sandy Clough has the unfortunate responsibility of hosting a 4 hour show by himself and damn is he boring. He draws out his words, he has awkwardly long silences and can't find humor if it jumped out of the microphone and bit him. Somehow he's found "success" in the 65+ demographic, while Slater was left to his own demise and had to talk about high school sports alone (kind of like Jesse Horne...anyone? anyone?). If Zack would have been man enough to jump in and tag-team that sports segment, that episode wouldn't have ended with the cliche success of Slater saving the day. Thanks Slater for saving the Max!

Lesson learned: You can now watch radio shows, now I know for sure that video killed the radio star. Thanks MTV.

February 1 - The Golic Boys

Episode watched: None...thank you snow day.

(Thanks to my friend Kathy for help on this one) Long before the vision of this blog came to me, I would spend my early mornings before work flipping between the news, SBtB, and Mike and Mike and for some reason the connection between two of these didn't hit me until recently. I'm going to blame it on the fact that it was 5:30am and the brain was fully awake. At least once a week (depending on the frequency of The College Years) Americans are able to spend their mornings with the Golic (Bob and Mike) boys in their prime...or maybe their prime was when they were actually playing in the NFL. Regardless, Mike Rogers (Bob Golic) warms our hearts as an R.A. trying to reinvent himself academically after an end to a pro football career. I'm think being an R.A. isn't going to do that for you.  If I just scroll up 5 channels I get all the best sporting news from best duo in radio/t.v. Mike and Mike. I don't know whatever happened to Bob Golic or if he ever did get that diploma from Cal U, but wherever he is I'd like to encourage him to cut that mullet...you're not a Raider anymore buddy!

Lesson learned: Giving birth to kids the size of the Golics must have required lots of epidurals.